Humility Without Conditions
A friend of mine who had attended Twelve-Step meeting for years was telling me about the moment she realized the extent of her willfulness. She had working with the famous Twelve-Step injunction to “let go and let God,” and been asking her “higher Power” to bring her a life partner, but no sooner than she had put in the request than she began worrying that God would bring her the wrong guy. In her words to me, “What if He brings me an overweight accountant?” Now, nothing against either accountants here or those of us who are carrying some extra poundage; the point is, this was a kind of shorthand in her mind, a metaphor that summed up “the wrong guy.” On having this thought, her willfulness upped the ante with another: If that happens, then I’m not going to let go!” So, it turned out, even before anything happened, even before giving God (or life or the universe or Higher Power, or whatever works for you) a little time to respond, she already had embarked on a path of not letting go at all.
What we let go of, in this sense, is our will. All conditions, even—or especially—those that matter to us most, are released in the faith that something greater than our will has our back, and this implies a whole philosophical stance toward life in which we’re not just a cosmic accident, tossed here by random stardust, to fend for ourselves. The catch that can trip up hubris is that this letting go has to be unconditional. Nothing less makes sense, or at the end of the day, counts a letting go at all. The sentence, “I’ll delegate this to you as long as you do this and this and that, and I’ll be watching, and if you fail to do this my way, then you’ll be relieved of any further involvement,” confesses that no delegating really has taken place. One can think of it in terms of giving, as in the giving of a gift. Letting go means giving, and where giving is genuine, there is no taking back, for what we give is not ours to take back. Furthermore, when we’re talking about such things as giving control of our life to something greater, humility reminds us of the paradoxical nature of the gesture, for we’re giving up something we never had. Subtracting the paradox: We’re realizing that we never had any control to give up. In these terms, we’re giving up an illusion, perhaps long held, that we ever had control—of our life, of outcomes, of timing, of other people, of conclusions about what should happen and how and when, of our fate. We become disillusioned, come home to the truth, and enter that sweet state of liberation that Socrates called “recollection,” a term that refers to coming home to the truth within oneself that the gods are in charge and always have been, a truth that sets us free from hubris and the self-strangling hold of willfulness.
Letting go without conditions means really getting that we’re not in charge. Once we do get this, there are no conditions that can qualify as holdouts, no exemptions. We can’t say to the gods, “I’ll surrender my will if you do this, by the end of the week,” and so on. What we surrender isn’t ours to take back, and in the case of surrendering what we never had, what would “taking back” even mean other than going back to sleep and resuming a nightmare of frustration, disappointment, and suffering? Technorati Tags: Fate, Greek, Moira, Philosophy, Socrates


